“When are you graduating?” “What do you want to do with your life?” “When do you plan on settling down?” How many times have you heard at least one of these? I think I hear them at least a dozen times a week from different people. Why don’t I hear it anymore? The people asking realized they’re not going to get the answer they want, so they’ve stopped asking. What do I tell them? I don’t know.

We put so much stress on ourselves to plan out our entire lives by the time we’re in our 20s that we end up more clueless than ever. We don’t have to know what 80 is going to be like when we’re 21.

Talking about life as something to “figure out” makes it sound as if it’s an electrical appliance you can simply take apart to see how all the components work. Life doesn’t come with an easy guide to reference when it gets out of whack.

Life has a tendency to make radical changes without your consent. What’s good for you today might change tomorrow. I learnt this this year.

Life is a complex beast with intricate workings that are constantly changing. Once you think you’ve figured out the rules, something comes along and changes them so you have to relearn them all over again.

“This wordly life is like a shadow. If you try to catch it, you will never be able to do so. If you turn your back towards it, it has no choice but to follow you.” - Ibn Al Qayyim Rh

2021 has been quite amusing. I’d say humorous because it's the only word that comes close to describing it. I was thinking the other day about how I've lived in four different places this year. I thought I had my life ‘figured out’ at the start of the year, but little did I know…

Whether one moves frequently or almost never, moving is an intensely emotional experience because housing and moving are filled with symbolism, the hope for new beginnings, crushing disappointments, loss, anxiety and fear.

My circumstances and situations have changed so consistently over the past few years that I’ve been basically improvising my way through it all, learning as I go and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The first location was fine; I felt at ease there, then something unexpected happened, and I was forced to relocate. I didn't care about the second place, but I couldn't bring myself to protest. I didn't know what to do with my parents’ feelings of guilt and a few people's attempts to persuade me that perhaps it was time to give up medicine. I stayed there for a month and, as Allah willed, things didn't work out there either.Why would I remain clinging to something that the universe was clearly against?

I began to understand the logic in what everyone around me was saying. I returned home. To Nigeria, that is, for three weeks. Ironically, those were the most memorable three weeks of my life. I later relocated to what appears to be my final address. I’m all settled in, Alhamdulillah. I didn't die, as surprising as it may seem.

That’s a lie, a piece of me did die. I had a strong desire to give up. I'd had it with it for a while. It had been unbearable. I didn't know what I'd gotten myself into. I couldn't understand why I was clinging to something that clearly did not want me. Why was I holding on to something that felt so strange? Something was begging me to let go and I really wanted to but Alhamdulillah I didn’t.

The point is, sometimes your initial dream doesn’t pan out and life takes you on a detour. As time passes and reality sets in, you realise that life isn't as predictable as a romantic comedy. It's raw. It's real. Where the stress of a trial might be unbearable. When you put in all your effort to attain a goal, it can be discouraging when when things don’t turn out the way you expected them to. Sometimes life pushes you in another direction because Allah has something even better planned for you. Things not working out are only a slight diversion on the way to a bigger goal.

“To Him belongs whosoever is in the heavens and the earth; all obey His will.” {30:26}

We don’t need life to go as planned to be happy. Having goals for our lives are useful, are necessary to create purpose, and can help guide us in the right direction, but being rigid about outcomes is a recipe for disaster. It’s just NOT always going to work out how we expect.

That’s life though; it’s a giant mystery. We’re constantly exploring and experimenting our way to full, happy lives. There’s too much uncertainty about the future and personal changes to go through to completely say you’ve figured it out. But really, would you want it to be any other way?

If living is art, then we should all heed the wisdom of Edward Abbey: “great art is never perfect. Perfect art is never great.”

Life is imperfect – it’s much too complex to be otherwise. We don’t always get what we want. Sometimes what we strive for doesn’t succeed. But maybe that’s exactly the way it should be.

Perhaps a good life is one where we fumble and experiment our way through it. There isn’t anything wrong with making more errors than successes. Even the best artists accept that they’ll make a lot of bad art throughout their careers. That’s the process of making good art – and good living.

If we turn our attention toward the type of life we want to live and the kind of person we want to be instead, we will have far more flexibility in finding happiness. If we derive our happiness from fulfilling values, instead of specific goals, we’d be happier.

Allow yourself some leeway and flexibility There’s no particular way that life is supposed to turn out. Don’t add unnecessary frustration by comparing yourself to an ideal that doesn’t factor in your experience and what life has thrown at you. Instead, focus on what you can do in the present to be happier and set yourself up for a happier future. It’ll serve you far better than dwelling on expectations you had for yourself in the past, without knowing the path you'd take to get to where you are now.

You can’t always change the situation, but you certainly can control your reaction to what has happened. What’s the point of us stressing over things beyond our control? There should be nothing more comforting than knowing that Al Hakeem is in charge.

So wait patiently for your Lord’s Decision, for verily you are under Our Eyes; and glorify the Praises of your Lord when you get up from sleep {52:48}

Suhaib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

عَجَبًا لِأَمْرِ الْمُؤْمِنِ إِنَّ أَمْرَهُ كُلَّهُ خَيْرٌ وَلَيْسَ ذَاكَ لِأَحَدٍ إِلَّا لِلْمُؤْمِنِ إِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ وَإِنْ أَصَابَتْهُ ضَرَّاءُ صَبَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ
Wondrous is the affair of the believer for there is good for him in every matter and this is not the case with anyone except the believer. If he is happy, then he thanks Allah and thus there is good for him, and if he is harmed, then he shows patience and thus there is good for him.
Source: Sahih Muslim 2999, Grade: Sahih

Amina’s Newsletter

This Year; 2021.