On Bullying and Harassment…

I know I mentioned that I had retired from writing on this “blog”, but watching a recent video of a bully stirred up so many emotions.

Bullying is something that reshapes one's entire being. It completely alters you in unimaginable ways. I vividly recall waking up one day to find that a significant portion of the people I once considered friends had turned against me. The betrayal cut deep, leaving me grappling with questions that went unanswered for years. When I finally mustered the courage to confront them years later, seeking closure, the responses I received were dishearteningly vague. Many confessed they had simply gone along with the crowd, lacking the strength to stand against peer pressure.

Fortunately, I was spared physical violence (never been a victim because all hell would have broken loose), but the mental anguish inflicted by the experience was nothing short of agonizing. The incessant self-doubt and the profound loneliness that accompanied being ostracized by those I once held dear were wounds that ran VERY deep.

A dear friend of mine mentioned the importance of teaching our children not to be mere bystanders in the face of injustice. There is nothing worse, in my opinion, than a person who lacks the moral compass to think independently and instead blindly follows the herd. A sheep, if you may.

In the years that followed, many of those who had turned their backs on me eventually sought forgiveness. While I've found it in my heart to forgive some, there are others whom I've vowed never to forgive. Mu hadu a gaban Allah kawai.

It's truly remarkable how perceptions can shift over time. Today, as I bask in the warmth of accolades and admiration mostly by strangers and lifelong friends, I'm reminded of how vastly different things were a few years back. I’m pretty sure if you had asked some of them about me then, they would have probably said something negative yet here I am today, surrounded by so much love, Alhamdulillah. I have got the best possible friends I could ask for and I wholeheartedly believe that Allah took so he could replace. The beauty of brokenness.

One of the most significant decisions I made in the aftermath of all that was to retreat from the public eye, severing ties with a lot of people in a bid to insulate myself from toxicity.

To victims of bullying and harassment: you're seen and understood. Forgiveness is a personal choice, and not forgiving is valid too.

To those who have perpetrated acts of bullying, I implore you to reflect on your life. If things are going terribly for you, perhaps it’s because of what you did. If things are going well for you, then maybe your recompense is in the Akhirah and that’s even scarier.

If you have any conscience in you, ask yourself, is a future rife with apologies and remorse truly the path you wish to tread? Before succumbing to the temptation to inflict emotional, mental, physical and/or psychological harm upon others, consider the lasting ramifications of your actions.

My response to a “bully” who messaged years later to apologize.

Unfortunately, apologies are not enough as they cannot and can never undo years of emotional turmoil. And no, we weren't “just kids” then because according to Islam, we had all reached the age of maturity and we will inevitably be held accountable as such.

Bullying, in all its forms, exacts a toll not only on the victim but also on the perpetrator. It is a stain that taints the soul. So before you engage in acts of cruelty or harassment, ask yourself: Is this truly the legacy you wish to leave behind?

Like Khadija said, may we raise kind, compassionate and emotionally intelligent kids. But remember, to raise one, you need to be one.

Anyway:

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: "He who has wronged his brother, concerning his honor or anything else, let him ask for his pardon today before there comes a time when there will be neither a dinar nor a dirham. If he has good deeds, an amount equivalent to the wrong he has done will be taken from his good deeds (and given to the one whom he has wronged). If he has no good deeds, then some of that person's bad deeds will be taken and loaded upon him."

Do you sincerely believe you have enough good deeds to “hand over” to others on the day of judgement?

Kindly note that, gossiping and slandering all fall under this category. While you might have refrained from bullying or harassing others in the past, consistently partaking in gossip and slander is the same thing in my opinion. Seek Allah’s forgiveness before it’s too late.

Being a mean girl or guy is not the flex you think it is.

Allah ya sa mu gane. Allah kuma ya sa mu dace.