On Accountability.

At a potluck, there’s always one knockout dish. Word gets around; within minutes, it’s gone. People clamor for the recipe. Some threaten to riot if it isn’t offered up immediately. You — because it is your dish — smile and tell people you’ll send it to them the next day.

The measurements and cooking times are precise. You’ve included the right brand of butter and where to get it. Someone brings your dish to the next event. People push it aside on their plates. You taste it. It’s barely edible. And the person who brought it comes to you crying. Did I mess up? Mistake sugar for salt? There must be something wrong with me. No, you start to say, it’s not you, it’s me —

You ask yourself, Am I that person? The one who shares a recipe, but leaves out the one ingredient that elevates it from mundane to magnificent?

You know you left it out. It was selfish and mean-spirited, but you wanted that recipe, to be yours alone or at least not as perfect.

You go home and empty your recipe folder into the Trash, then delete it permanently. Folder after folder — not just recipes, but everything, all of who you are — disappear. You are the worst person in the world.

But this isn’t your story.

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Have you, like “the narrator,” done something intentionally to hurt someone? The answer, though uncomfortable, is yes. This may come as a surprise to you if like me, you’d consider yourself a good person.

You’re human, you are flawed which means you’ll hurt people and be hurt by them; which means you’ve hurt people and have been hurt, but what about it?

It’s easy, you hold yourself accountable.

How many times have you sat down to reflect on your actions? To think about what you just did and how it may have hurt someone? To think about how you may have been conjuring up lies in your mind to ease your conscience?

How many times have you considered that a simple “I’m sorry,” could make things a lot better? Rather than feigning ignorance, you acknowledge that you should have handled things better?

It is easy to play victim especially when faced with feelings of anxiety or guilt. Who wants to be the villain in their stories, anyway? The easy way out is to run- to flee from accountability, to shift the blame or pretend, but guess what, you can lie to everyone but yourself (Elham).

YOU KNOW. You know if you stepped out of line. You know if you could have been nicer. You know if you intentionally tried to (self-)sabotage. You know. So again, what about it?

It is in those “weak” moments that we are faced with a choice: to acknowledge our mistakes, take responsibility and make amends or to deny, deflect or gaslight. Your choice. You.

So who are you? Are you someone who - like we’re taught - acknowledges their mistakes and makes amends or are you too egotistical to do so? Are you someone who is intentional about their interactions with people or are you someone who’s unnecessarily harsh and just doesn’t care? Whatever your answer may be, remember to hold yourself accountable before you’re inevitably held accountable.

Remember, whatever decision you take moving forward is yours. Your reactions are yours. You hold all the cards. It’s a choice. It’s your choice.

Share those recipes, be more gentle, apologize, refrain from backbiting. Life is too short to do otherwise.

We’re all good people who occasionally do bad things. The goal is to be better. The goal is Jannah.

If you do not remember anything,

remember this.

Fi Amanillah,

A’s.