An Islamic Paradigm of Psychology; Dealing with Impostor Syndrome

ٱلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ‎

Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. To put it simply, it is the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don't belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck.

Impostor syndrome & I are friends. We go way back to early childhood. Now, if you ask me, I will tell you that I had quite an idyllic childhood in a very loving home.

My parents raised my siblings and I to trust in our abilities and aim for the stars. They held me when I failed which I did quite often, encouraging me to stand up and keep walking again. They were very supportive of us all. And yes, impostor syndrome still made its way into the fabric of my being and cleverly made itself my boss, calling the shots at school and seeping into my personal life as I grew up.

Sure, I chased my dreams. But you know how these things work. A thing like impostor syndrome has the ability to make you overcompensate. Since it tells you that you are certainly not good enough or it gives you the nagging feeling of “wait-till-they-find-out-I’m-not-good-enough” when you succeed, your psyche is pushed to compensate for what you may lack in every possible way and the most common way, of course, is to over-achieve.

I did exactly that. No matter what area of life I was focusing on, I had to be the best. The best muslim, the best student, the best daughter, the best entrepreneur, the best friend. And I never stopped to consider what it actually meant to be the “best”. For instance, whose best? How is it defined? Was this best in any way linked to Ihsaan or was it just in the worldly sense? It’s taken me a year to realize that the prison of self-doubt had always been unlocked, I merely needed to walk out of it.

In order to overcome any limiting belief, I had to turn around and face it, study it, and carefully observe it like an organism under the microscope. I realized from experience that one could associate impostor syndrome with three things—comparison, becoming fixated on specific outcomes, and feeling like a fraud.

I realized when plagued with self-doubt, I believed I couldn’t do a lot of things, and when I dug a bit deeper, I found that the invariable belief I had arose from comparison. I believe I couldn’t do most things the way others did. I unconsciously gauged my success and failure by the norm, which was always set by others.

Another thing that held me back from forging forward was the fear of failure. When I became fixated on a particular outcome, not only did I become paralyzed by the possibility of failure but I also closed myself off entirely to all other possibilities.

Whenever I was plagued by beliefs that would limit my ability to live a happy and fulfilled life, it was an indication to look into them. I realized all of my suffering arose from believing my thoughts either about myself or the world.

The first thing I tried to do was to step back and identify those beliefs. Deep thinking created the space in which I could do the real work of looking within. Most importantly, it helped me cultivate inner silence and the ability to step back from my mind and evaluate my internal processes in a non-judgmental way. I realized if I couldn’t step back from those beliefs hindering my success, I could not for a second work on them!

Changing my mindset brought on a ripple effect to my actions, expectations and outcome. In the Qur’an, Allah says;

إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُوا مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ

Allah would never change a people’s state ˹of favour˺ until they change their own state ˹of faith˺.  (Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:11)

I realized no one has the ability to overcome self-doubt overnight except of course by Allah’s will. It is usually a process that takes time, effort, retrospection and self-love. I was sabotaging myself by giving myself too much to change over a little period of time.   

I had to re-strategize. I had to break my ultimate goal into smaller goals to realistically make the change. Achieving those little milestones kept me motivated and inspired to sustain the momentum and keep it going. Reaping rewards, no matter how small from seemingly insignificant actions gave me the confidence boost I didn’t know I needed.

The challenging bit for me was dealing with my extreme and dare I say, unnecessary fear of failure. One might think I’m being dramatic but the only thing that worked for me and continues to is this beautiful phrase: ‘Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah // There is no might or power except with Allah, The Most High, The Supreme’

Repeating that phrase over and over again reassured me. It made me understand that fate was something beyond my control. I had to constantly affirm that I was powerless and that all matters will always be in Allah’s hands, The Best disposer of affairs! No matter how great my power, energy and strength may become, I still cannot do anything without the help of Allah Who is Above all of His creation, The Most Great, compared to Whom nothing else is great. 

The Prophet S.A.W gave me an easy way out. He said to tie my camel and have faith in Allah S.W.T, so why was I depriving myself of sleep and peace of mind worrying about only God knows what? Why was I trying so hard to become a perfectionist? Perfection, of course, is an abstraction, an impossibility in reality. 

Perfectionism can be defined as a tendency to set standards that are unreasonably high, and to measure an individual’s worth in terms of their ability to meet these standards. Typically, these perfectionistic standards are applied to oneself. [Martin M. Anthony]

According to numerous Psychological research data, perfectionists are not happy. In fact, perfectionists are much less happy and easygoing than others. They tend to beat themselves up much more and wallow in negative feelings when their high expectations go unmet. Furthermore, perfectionism is a sign of obsessive compulsive disorder. Was this really what kept me up at night? Was I that afraid of failure that I was willing to give up my happiness?

I realized there was something much better than striving for perfection, striving for Ihsaan {excellence}. Unlike perfectionism, the desire for Ihsaan is the desire to do the very best possible, not the quest for the unrealistic and the impossible. Ihsaan is not always expecting perfection from yourself, because the only One who is perfect is Allah S.W.T.  

‏ قَالَ فَأَخْبِرْنِي عَنِ الإِحْسَانِ قَالَ ‏”‏ أَنْ تَعْبُدَ اللَّهَ كَأَنَّكَ تَرَاهُ فَإِنْ لَمْ تَكُنْ تَرَاهُ فَإِنَّهُ يَرَاكَ ‏”‏ ‏.

Jibreel asked the Prophet, “Tell me about Al-Ihsan.” He said: “It is to worship Allah [SWT] as if you can see Him, for although you cannot see Him, He can see you.” [Nasai]

All I needed to have was that balance. Islam {my guide to life}, has always been a balanced religion, and excessiveness in religion is disliked to say the least. All I had to do was strive for Ihsaan in every aspect of my life and not for perfection in its absolute sense.

As far as feeling like a fraud is concerned, I highly doubt that will ever change…

The most important thing to note is, it’s normal to experience moments of doubt. The important thing is not to let that doubt control our actions or consume us. One can still have an impostor moment but not an impostor life.

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure - Paulo Coelho

Footnote;

It’s been a while so I’d like to apologize, my writing’s a bit rusty. May Allah S.W.T make us better than what people think of us, forgive us for what they do not know about us & May He not take us to account for what they say about us.